As I worked the past few days I listened to the Top 10 for every genre on Beatport. Some of the genres have objectively worse music than those ranked below, but at least they’re interesting whereas some are just so drab and boring and formulaic. Keep in mind I’m judging strictly off the top 10. I know there are diamonds in the rough here. But that’s often not reflected in the top 10 so they’re judged accordingly.

“What is popular is mostly terrible” has been the lesson here.

Leftfield House & Techno
Might be the only genre that doesn’t seem to have its head firmly stuck in the past but when it does, it’s innovative and good.
Best Song: Pearson Sound “Alien Mode”
Indie Dance
Italo Italo Italo but it’s really quite enjoyable.
Best Song: Michael Mayer & WhoMadeWho “Hamstring”
Electronica
That Bicep, all due respect, has the top 4 sewn up with only 3 tracks is worrisome, but solid tunes for the most part.
Best Song: Kev Sheridan “It’s Gonna Be Perfect” (it’s objectively Bicep “Glue” here but didn’t want to be too obvious)
Hard Techno
This was Trance in 1999 (trust me…after 52 Essential Mixes listenings..I know). Similar to the Psy Trance genre but without the pussyfooting. Massive strobe light techno and I liked it.
Best Song: Regis “Looking 4 Balance” (putting that kick-drum front-and-center in the mixdown was a great decision)
Melodic House & Techno
The tracks are fine but it just feels flat
Best Song: Artbat Featuring Sailor & I “Best Of Me”
Techno (Raw / Deep / Hypnotic)
Good!
Best Song: Robert Hood “The Cure”
Techno (Peak Time / Driving)
Not as good!
Best Song: Roberto Capuano & Luigi Madonna “Mad World” (mostly because I enjoy the name Luigi Madonna)
Progressive House
Actually good! I thought this Beatport-defined genre might’ve jumped the shark into b-side trance but this is far better than that.
Best Song: Mode Apart “Voyage”
Deep House
Take the worst set Danny Howells has never played and you have the Deep House Top 10.
Best Song: Travertia “Utro Na Zemie”
Breaks
They all sound like they were made in the ‘90’s but I’m alright with that. There are way more breaks tracks than this on Beatport, but I’m guessing the stink of the genre leads labels to call them anything but Breaks.
Best Song: Perfect Kombo “Revo” (THE track ‘02 Zabiela would’ve ripped the roof of with - not the best track but the one I had the most fun with)
Psy Trance
It’s kinda fun!
Best Song: GMS & Stryker “Rikart”
Nu DIsco / Disco
Just…lazy? Brandon Block probably plays these by himself at home three sheets to the wind and an 8-ball deep. But it’s fun enough, I guess.
Best Song: Sophie & The Giants “Hypnotized” (Purple Disco Machine Mix)
Drum & Bass
Should be much higher but a perfect example of an excellent genre dragged down by a poor Top 10.
Best Song: Bladerunner “Don’t Let Me Go”
Trance
Not as bad as I expected!
Best Song: Above & Beyond “Crash” (Blatant “Cafe Del Mar” rip off but I guess I like it)
Leftfield Bass
Ketaminestep. Betting there’s some good stuff in this genre, just the top ten is mostly garbage. The bottom two bump it up.
Best Song: J:Kenzo & Amit “Acid Trip” but this is just classified incorrectly so I had to pick another. Denham Audio “Top Buzz” which is excellent.
Minimal / Deep Tech
Far better than Tech House. But pretty boring, honestly.
Best Song: I don’t have one.
Afro House
Sorry, Dixon, this was like listening to paint dry. If I had an afro I’d be offended.
Best Song: Elfenberg “Rebonds”
Organic House / Downtempo
What a complete snoozefest.
Best Song: Amonita “Wisteria”
Bass House
“I said meet me downstairs at the bar. At the bar. Meet me. Downstairs. I said. Yo.” Idiotic vocals all around.
Best Song: Volac “Everyone”
House
Frankie Knuckles rolling over. It’s all just bad.
Best Song: John Summit “Deep End” (the only one I wasn’t offended by)
Funky/Grooving/Jacking House
A disgrace but at least it doesn’t pretend to be good.
Best Song: Stephan M & Laurent Simeca “What A Feeling”
Tech House
So boring. Would I play these tracks over, say, Trance? Yes. But this is an issue of expectations. A genre for the Traktor Sync generation. Never met a high pass filter they didn’t like.
Best Song: Dennis Cruz “Five”
Hard Dance/Hardcore
Ranked ahead of others like Big Room and Electro House because it’s funny. Big Room thinks it’s making good music. Electro House takes itself seriously. HD/Hc knows it’s awful and doesn’t care.
Best Song: Scooter “FCK 2020” (“We don’t give a penny! FUCK 2020!” Preach Scoooooootaaaaa! I hate all the rules too!!!!!)
Garage/Bassline/Grime
Terrible!. But if expectations are the mother of disappointment, when there aren’t any there isn’t a mother. Track I chose is a 187 Lockdown redux but whatever. All in all, seems like a pointless genre but I’m 40 so maybe it’s for the kids.
Best Song: Tenshu “Inside The Ride”
Future House
I have no idea what this is supposed to mean or what’s going on here.
Best Song: Don Diablo “Mr Brightside” (it’s so so so bad but it made me laugh)
Dance / Electro Pop
Stuff for montages or segues on shitty reality television shows. I hope they’re making lots of money.
Best Song: Tiesto “The Business” (“Let’s get down, let’s get down to business….Give you one more night, one more night, to get this.”)
(TIE) Trap / Hip Hop / R&B
Not the site for this.
Best Song: Kumarion “Want It (VIP)”
(TIE) Reggae / Dancehall / Dub
Why is this even on here. And I mean no judgment upon the genre. This just doesn’t make sense on Beatport.
Best Song: Dubrunner “Scattershot”
Big Room
Somebody greenlit Steve Aoki to remix “Thriller”; Guetta…I don’t know what’s going on with him; my choice is actually okay in a Oakenfold 1999 kind of way.
Best Song: Leykenda “Wild”
Electro House
Horrific, horrific stuff.
Best Song: Krunk & Andy Lambert “Get Down” (the piano hook is tolerable, every other song is not)
Dubstep
The fuck happened here. What a disaster.
Best Song: There isn’t one.

N/A: DJ Tools

BONUS! The video for Scooter FCK 2020. It’s hilarious. First we save the rave, then we save the world! I fucking love Scooter.