Funny jokes and pics thread
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Zackster, Amps.
It’s the FUNNY jokes and pics thread, not the absolutely horrendous bants thread.
Horrendous carry on
Amps and I being the only ones with an understanding of 21st century internet bantz is worrisome.
Amps and Zackster waltz into the thread again
Sorry Dave, you are quite right. Unfortunately for us, we are in the minority in this early 00s hell scape.
Fucking lol Liqui!
LT42 When I used the term ‘nongs’ a while back, I was jumped on for being (it was automatically assumed) ‘racist’, but this video perfectly shows what a nong 农 is.
You will never see them outside China because they don’t have the means (or even a passport) to travel abroad, but they are basically uneducated farm hands who move to the big city to get higher wages but end up doing menial jobs in a really fucking stupid, retarded, common sense-lacking way.
So you can see them outside your window being total thickets trying to load something on to a truck, which is amusing, but sometimes they will be doing more dangerous stuff, like building utterly haphazard scaffolding on a construction site which is bound to collapse, or (one of my personal favourites) being a public bathroom cleaner who mops the pissy floor and then uses the same mop immediately to wipe the bowl of the sinks.
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They are not even allowed to drive taxis in Beijing and Shanghai because they’re too fucking thick and uneducated to give licences to (strictly reserved for local city-folk), they couldn’t be trusted ferrying newly arrived Great Wall tourists around without dinging the car, or getting in a petty but rapidly escalating dispute over trying to cheat an American of a pithy sum like $2. But you will sometimes catch one in one of the smaller cities, where their favoured trick is to take you to your destination by an insane zig-zig route that also goes an unnecessary 350 degrees around the city’s ring road just to make themselves a few extra quid. All the time chain-smoking the cheapest fags that cost literally 50p a pack and using their favourite English terms they have seen on TV: ‘HARRO!, OH-KAY!, BAI-BAI!’.
This is useful information too, because if you encounter someone Chinese behaving badly on holiday (e.g. cutting in front of you in the queue), just call them a ‘nong’ (peasant) or a ‘nong-min-gong’ (peasant labourer), which is the worst non-sweary insult you can call a Chinese person because it manages to convey that you are disgusted with them, you think they are a lowlife and they have no manners/civility. They will probably be 1) shocked that you know enough Chinese to call them that and 2) genuinely hurt and ashamed (massive loss of face)
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bosstrabs They’re pure bred gypsies here. They go around the place with these carts collecting all the plastic and cardboard out of bins. They also go around with makeshift musical instruments playing weirdly hypnotic gypsy tunes with their hands out looking for coin, no doubt they get hired as cheap labour too. You see young girls of 13 or 14 who"ve already popped out a few kids, hard as nails.
There is one absolutely great nong, though, who goes by the name of ‘Pangzai’ and has become a minor internet celeb for his heavyweight boozing, smoking, eating and general tomfoolery.
Claims to have invented the ‘tornado’ beer-downing style…
Love the addition of the egg.