I’d offer up Midnight Maas.
Timo delivers a sermon on the real meaning of Christmas in thick German-accented Latin live from the Vatican City, before absolutely monstering the congregation with a 2022 exclusive remix of Schieber 1 to see in Christmas Day.
Maanster.
Dixon of Dock Green - Smallman’s favourite lego-haired DJ takes up the role of local village plod, and in the themed two-parter investigates rogue builders who a) leave Ed with a leaky roof and no receipt and b) b*gger him senseless after a bizarre invitation to accompany him on ‘holibobs’.
A lol for Dave!
Lolz 4 Dave. Good effort 
Ref the roof, you’ll be delighted to know that two thirds of it have been sorted.
I was though, advised (badly as it turns out) to remove a section of my bedroom wall to see if there was a leaking pipe causing some damp issues.
As it turns out the pipe is fine and I’ve since been advised to remove another section of my wall to see if it’s another pipe that’s causing the issue.
I am not doing that as my bedroom wall currently looks like it’s been attacked by Jaws.
Cheers.
Ed
Keep us posted Ed. Its the not knowing that hurts the most.
Sounds like they’ve got your trousers down and trying to hit the prostate.
Probably not what you want to hear right now Ed, but if it’s a pipe leaking you’re better off sorting it out sooner rather than later.
We got a message from Affinity Water saying our bill had gone up significantly due to a massive increase in use over 6 months. We found a pipe was leaking (thankfully under the house) but it was literally pissing out water like a tap.
Thing us we could hear it at different times of the day but I assumed it was our water softener unit purging. We got the excess bills written off and were lucky it had happened under the house where it was doing no damage. Repairing walls / floorboards / ceilings and redecorating due to a leaking pipe left unchecked will end up a massive cost - not to mention absolute ball-ache to resolve
I bought a new build with some basic equipment - a kitchen set of cabinets and washing machine in other words. Was in my mid 20s and went in with not a lot. I was chasing an electric bill all the time I was there. Was told I’ll get one once they sort out the connections to the properties properly. 18 months later I’m still chasing the same company for a bill. Turns out they were charging my neighbour for my electricity - a fuck up in recording the meter IDs. Then they say they sorted it and billed me for a few thousand. I’m like, ’Fuck you, I’ve been trying to give you money for what I owe and you’ve been so shit about it you wouldn’t have known had I flagged the problem and continued overcharging some poor sod.'
They then said they’d give me a discount. Expletives followed. Ended up with them begging and no bill for the 18 months. Really took the piss.
Tall Paul’s Drag Race - Tall Paul Newman helicopter drops of a group of trannies in disparate locations around the UK (such as the middle of the Lake District, on the Norris Green housing estate in Liverpool and so on) with only an orienteering kit of compass, map and kendal mint cake for sustenance and they have to find their way to Trade (at a studio rebuild of Gurnmills) before 4am opening.
Seb Fontaine’s Embarassing Stains
Panel game show featuring host, Seb Fontaine, introducing several stain-based quiz rounds. Example: Items of clothing with various stains are examined and multiple choice answers suggested (e.g oil, bleach, piss).
Way out West with Way out West
Nick and Jody head across the Atlantic in a laser class with only a vinyl copy of Yeke Yeke and 7 metric tonnes of Mousakka for company. Hilarity ensues.
FUTURISM with Danny Tenaglia
Oh my God, It’s the D-TEN 3000!
A man-machine interface hybrid (like Robocop) goes spazmo dispensing his own brand of justice to people on dancefloors who commit minor infractions such as using their mobile phone.
