Dear Lord

I’m not sure it required the paragraphs of lead up. But then I’m not the bantsmith you are, Smalls.

Walked into a butcher’s shop recently where Smallman1 was stood leaning on the counter, flirting with the butcher. James Corden was also in the shop, buying a pound of sausages.

Whilst they ostensibly talked about “gambling” I started pumping the shop full of zyklon B. I cackled and laughed as we all began to suffocate, knowing that the last words they would hear would be “shit cunts”.

Smallman had seemingly no ill effects from the cyanide based poison however folded like a deck of cards when presented with a Babybel.

    7 days later

    Trip to Bao in Borough tonight. Ox heart skewers were immense.

    Kitchen Table, Charlotte Street. Sit around chef’s counter and eat whatever they deem fresh and seasonal. It’s probably the best eating experience I’ve had in the UK. With a price to match. Even got insulted on the way out for supporting Man Utd by the head chef who I believe is a gooner. 10/10.

    Incidentally started out as a private table within Bubbledogs- which was a Hotdog/ Champagne joint and used to like walking in and going through a curtain down a corridor to the hidden table itself- imagine a bit like an old Speakeasy.

    16 days later

    I did see.

    Not for me that place.

    If I ever find myself dining in Salt Bae’s restaurant I hope the knife slips from his grasp as he minces around me cutting my head off. In the process That will learn me for being such a cunt as to go to his restaurant

    It’s the kind of place that attracts clueless out of towners with zero style and absolutely no idea about anything decent.

    Look forward to hearing how Alistair gets on.