Dear Lord

I’m not sure it required the paragraphs of lead up. But then I’m not the bantsmith you are, Smalls.

Walked into a butcher’s shop recently where Smallman1 was stood leaning on the counter, flirting with the butcher. James Corden was also in the shop, buying a pound of sausages.

Whilst they ostensibly talked about “gambling” I started pumping the shop full of zyklon B. I cackled and laughed as we all began to suffocate, knowing that the last words they would hear would be “shit cunts”.

Smallman had seemingly no ill effects from the cyanide based poison however folded like a deck of cards when presented with a Babybel.

    7 days later

    Trip to Bao in Borough tonight. Ox heart skewers were immense.

    Kitchen Table, Charlotte Street. Sit around chef’s counter and eat whatever they deem fresh and seasonal. It’s probably the best eating experience I’ve had in the UK. With a price to match. Even got insulted on the way out for supporting Man Utd by the head chef who I believe is a gooner. 10/10.

    Incidentally started out as a private table within Bubbledogs- which was a Hotdog/ Champagne joint and used to like walking in and going through a curtain down a corridor to the hidden table itself- imagine a bit like an old Speakeasy.

    16 days later

    I did see.

    Not for me that place.

    If I ever find myself dining in Salt Bae’s restaurant I hope the knife slips from his grasp as he minces around me cutting my head off. In the process That will learn me for being such a cunt as to go to his restaurant

    It’s the kind of place that attracts clueless out of towners with zero style and absolutely no idea about anything decent.

    Look forward to hearing how Alistair gets on.

      Smallman1 lol. A few sharpeners in Tiger, Tiger Leicetser Square beforehand to rub shoulders with the cast of Hollyoaks

        Lol. He’s worth millions which makes it even worse.

        He basically acts and talks like most of my mates do at afterparties

        They stand around like a tailors dummy saying cappuccino on repeat?

          All of Sean’s mates have to wear a tight white T to his ‘parties’

            Millsy Fire on the Superser again there lads. I want this room fucking BOILING.

              Private dining room at Scott’s for me a lunch for a delayed 40th thing.

              Steady Pops

              Think someone needs their Warfarin!

              The more I see of this melter, the more I think there’s something not right…

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