NasserAlazzawi
It is a tricky one because you have to reorganise your lives in a way that is difficult to conceptualise before you have kids and that is difficult to get to grips with when the reality hits. The ‘assumption’ is that you need to just put your head down and get on with it ad nauseum, but in reality that’s not a long-term plan. One of the problems that can crop up is the division of labour (or at least it did for me). To some extent, the cards are stacked against you because there are things that only the woman can do e.g. breastfeeding and the likelihood is that they will, as a matter of course, just take more of the burden. The problem is that can lead to resentment even if not expressed directly.
This is easy for me to say now as I did a pretty shit job of it at the time but looking back on it, that is also the key to redress the balance so you can still do Nas stuff and not feel shite about it.
I think it is important to have Dad jobs that only you do, whether that is washing the bottles, doing housework or maybe the late evening feed (if she is expressing or you have introduced formula). That allows you to have decent things you can point to that are ‘proof’ that you are doing your bit. The second thing that can help (again, I’m far from a shining example of this) but if you can schedule time off for her so she gets a reasonable break (within the obvious limits of doing that between sleeps etc) it also allows you to schedule time away for you and gives you permission to do it without the guilt.
Definitely not an easy one and have made it sound easier than it is but if you can point to reliable examples of ‘that is what I do’ and this is when/how you get your ‘time off’ it just makes it much easier for you to balance your interests.
That is tough if you don’t have the family support network around you in Cyprus, which I guess places more emphasis on you both finding your own way. The option to spend time on music or other interests for me is essential and take those elements away and your life is out of balance and that is where low mood/depression can develop. Recommend doing exercise as your priority as that will get the endorphines going and give you a bit of levity from the sluggishness that can develop as you shuffle around the house all day.
The thing that isn’t helpful in this type of situation, work stuff, home issues is the subtext that you just have to crack on. People have an ability to absorb a lot but realistically you can’t be a robot.
