• General

  • Invites sent to Bants School

Is bants school now classed as an ‘event’?

    The following attendees are in the frame for next January’s course -

    Millsy
    Amps
    MC

    They’ll be smashing it by Feb / March confirmed!

      C_J MC on the other hand……. fuck me :s

      Hurts coming from a big hitter like yourself CeeJay

        Millsy Is bants school now classed as an ‘event’?

        Could be a January event in the offing. You coming, panto should have finished by then?

          Millsy defo the middle aged, badly dressed sleazy wanker that attends freshers week at the student union every year regular as clockwork and tries to score with the lasses at Bants University.

            Wally units everywhere, with their modules jiggling about everywhere? Yes!

                Millsy ‘I keep getting older and they keep staying the same age’ as he’s spilling a rum and coke down his pants.

                  Adding a bespoke module for Millsy - How to take the bants.

                    Smallman1 ‘bespoke module’ = mandatory student lessons from the student welfare and safeguarding team.

                      Smallman1 I’m oldskool on that front, like a cornered animal, the Derms defence. Something I’ve not been able to shake since the GU days.

                          Millsy tbf Derms windmills into situations pre-emptively before he’s even been attacked.

                              Wally a similar feeling to his Mrs when he pats her on the arsehole and whispers ’you’ve been dermoed’ apres sex.

                              He still gives the best hugs though 💘

                                Can someone send an invite to Wal?

                                The only way wally could ever be funny is getting hit by a car crossing a road (Even funnier if he only looks right for oncoming vehicles but the car comes from the left ).
                                Himself and MC are like bants vacuums. They enter otherwise healthy threads and literally hoover all the fun out of them in a single post.

                                It’s a good job invites aren’t still dispatched by messengers on horses btw.

                                “Oh, BORE OFF, Dave! etc etc”

                                Dave, Smalls, I have sent the nominations for the ‘Sultan of Bants’ Rewards and Recognition program, please share your feedback and approvals.

                                Rhouses, I know it’s totally de rigeur to open a campus in Asia, like Duke have near Shanghai and so on, to hoover up that lucrative Asian demand, but that’s not what we’re about here at Bants School.

                                Fundamentally, we feel it would cheapen our brand to have thousands of Indians running round saying ‘kitchen sink!’, ‘suave the treacles’, ‘invite en route!’.

                                Hi Dave,

                                We discussed this. Our angel investor, monostereo, has set audacious targets for JFM, and this must reflect in our annual operating plan. While I’m willing to recognize that my honorary degree and valedictorian award in 2008 was a result of a privileged private school education in Eastbourne, Sussex; we need to think volume and scale and can longer rely on tiny, insignificant markets such as the UK. We just can’t afford to repeat mistakes from the past, like losing deep pocketed VCs such as Uncle John from Bedrock Inc. We’re already struggling with the American market, with below par candidates such as zackster, and Jonatan Yeah’s self imposed sabbatical.

                                ‘Sultan of Bants’ is just the sort of nomenclature we need to attract a larger market and applicant pool. However, for 2022, I’m willing to keep our demographic limited and add Mad Cyril as one of the nominations. Even though he’s a mainstay of the Peppa Pig table, he has shown initiative and ownership in the “Arsehole Hygiene” conversation starter thread, challenging mid-level management such as Dermo and Millsy. Referring to the former as “Karl Pilkington with Tourette’s” & the latter’s bung hole as a “rusty sheriff’s badge”. If not the ‘Sultan of Bants’ award, we must consider giving him the ‘Bar Raiser of Bants School’ pat on the back, so we can offer him the updated benefits package and retain him.

                                Looking forward to your thoughts.

                                Regards,

                                Rhouses
                                (Honoris Causa Doctorate: Bants School)

                                PS: Aligned on the next steps for Hugo. Let’s roll out his Performance Improvement Plan ASAP.

                                  I’m not taking the lead on the referral program Dave, Smalls can keep those invites to himself.

                                  Rhouses, you of all people would have absolutely no say in who gets bants invites or not, being a grade 2 level bant offender yourself. You’d be bearly off the ppt. You can however bring the naans, poppadoms and dips.

                                  • -si- replied to this.

                                    I’m concerned about the lack of diversification at Bants School - could get us in the shit. We should make sure invitees go out to Creeps [Eastenders music] and Rhouses.

                                    These targets aren’t going to hit themselves.

                                      Along_the_Wire frankly I’m exhausted of being the token D&I leadership member of the Bants School, Grant. As an org we need to do more.

                                        I see people getting uppity about being sent ‘the invite’. Really, everyone needs to take a step back and re-think Bants School.

                                        Everyone at work loves a training afternoon/professional development. You get to stick your out-of-office on, have Jan from reception bring you some nice milky coffee and shortbreads, and the ‘facilitator’ comes in to help you re-up your competences in an area you may have forgotten about. That’s all Bants School is. Facilitating learning. Developing a core competence to max level.

                                        Except in Rhouses’ case - he needs to be seated behind a desk, 1960s schoolroom style, and told to shut up while we re-program his entire mind from scratch, if he is ever to develop even passable Bantability.

                                          bosstrabs I’m a KPI driver who likes to get his hands dirty, and you know this. Not a fan of these L&D initiatives and would prefer we move quickly and deliver results.

                                              What Rhouses means when he says “move quickly and deliver results”

                                              Imagine Derm guest lecturing @ Bantzzzz school.

                                              Some class that would be!

                                              Cankles-McJeggings You’d be bearly off the ppt.

                                              Sorry, derm. Poor rhouses is def top table. Nowhere near the ppt. Yet.

                                              Displays the right character and transitions into a wonderful human being then the sky is the limit for the lad.

                                              Needs to completely transform his shitting skills though. Fuck that sort of shizzle at our table!