Saw a trailer for the new Top Gun and it looks horrific in so many ways but I’ll still watch it most likely. Later on I saw they added the original to Netflix so I gave it a run for old times, its terrible in the best possible way, worse than I remembered, its hard to watch through Cruise’s pick up lines and cheesy grins, fellas wearing dark shades inside the pub, peak 80s. When Sundown takes over the mic from Maverick and picks up the 2nd verse of Loving Feeling it felt like Hugo banging on to Ed about Darren, its over mate, the sweet spot has passed, let it go. The whole pub has moved on and there you are dragging the fucking arse out of it. Put down the mic for fucks sake and go over there. Also, Ironside playing the moody underling again. “I just wanna know, would you take him into battle with you?” “I dont know, I JUST DONT KNOW.” Classic Ironside.
Thats why the sequel will be a flop, you just can’t transfer that 80s vibe into a movie in 2022. It will be so bad and not in a good way. CGI’d out of its fucking mind and Goose’s son going around with a chip on his shoulder because Maverick was such a loose cannon fly by the seat of his pants gaylord, AND LEST WE FORGET, the token female pilots now that we live in a different planet to 1986. They were Pentagon employed specialists back then but now they want a fucking go in the airplane. Lets hope the bogeys shoot those annoying bastards out of the sky during the opening (nailed on) dogfight scenes. Oh look, the Admiral’s daughter Penny Benjamin now has a kid in TOP GUN and she also has a chip on her shoulder because Maverick fucked her Mom back in 85, maybe Maverick is my Dad? I dont know if this is a plot line but it would be 100% typical of the state of affairs these days. Perhaps Viper will have totally lost the plot and flies his faster, more manoueverable Mig below the hard deck as a Trans called Veronica. Lets throw all the tokens into the pot shall we. Fuck this. Why cant it just be the lads still asking each other in the bar who the best is? You’ll be guaranteed Michael fucking Buble or some shit will be closing out the end titles. I haven’t checked because I’m so angry.
“Anyone know who our new instructor is?”
“Someone said he’s the best” 😎
