Namaskaar Rhouse and welcome to Abdul Tape & Record Exchange! You can park mobility scooter outside, LEAVE IT OUTSIDE! Last time you hid CD maxi single in wheel trim and tried to steal it didn’t you?

Want to do some, how do you say, crate-digging? Ah, taking some gifts back to your homosexual friends in England? मैं इसे अच्छी तरह से जानता हूं भाई!

We have Erasure 7″ single. Two of them. Here, you can try on this finest B&O record player. Sorry, not B&O, brand is actually B.O., but just as good sound.

Ah, what’s that you say? You not homosexual? You are still suaving the Korean doris? Hey bhagwan!

Then you had better cut those toenails. What, you can’t reach them? Waat lag gayi! Never mind, take her this Chris de Burgh CD, latest in international romance music. You will be dogging in no time! Just call me… ‘pratibhashali’!

Talking of dogs, we have latest Nintendo Entertainment System DS with Nintendogs. You want it? I give you good price or swap for those Yeasty Boots or whatever they called on your fatty feet.

Visiting your friend in Auroville too? What’s this you are asking? Method Man. METH-OD MAN? I do not know about this METHOD MAN, who is he? Stop being a fattu, you can have this Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch tape if you like all rap nonsense, here I give it to you. How do you get to Auroville on a mobility scooter? Don’t worry - I have a jugaad… you can hitch it to caboose of train.

Now, here is Mr. K. S. Ramachandran come to collect his latest Gladys Knight and Pips record, now shut up Rhouses, tired of your nonsense and lying, pakau.