Paul “Jock” Horsefold - Animated tragicomedy series starring a washed-up 90s superstar disc-jockey struggling with depression, addiction and staying relevant amongst the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles. Featuring cameos from Mr Butter (“BT” for short) as Horsefold’s chirpy and irritating former rival.
DJ Pierre’s Wild Pitch
Chicago entrepreneurs get the chance to pitch their money-making ideas to a panel of moody house DJs (DJ Pierrre, Derrick L Carter and DJ Sneak)
The only catch is the pitch must be delivered via the medium of a Roland 303.
Winning pitchers get to chew the fat with the panel whilst smoking blunts and slappin ho’s.
Losers get pistol whipped and forced to go on a tour of Cluuuuuuuurblaaaand with Green Velvet
Shooting DJ Stars
Join us this week for the critically acclaimed action and community service themed show where we join international hearthrob, full time gangsta and all round rack of lamb, DJ Sneak as he cruises the dark back alleys of clubland looking for digital DJ boxes. Anyone unlucky enough to be holding a USB stick or entertaining the idea of a CDJ is immediately deemed FAKE and shot in the face with an untraceable firearm. Sneak will then set the guilty DJ box on fire. After a hard days graft we roll back to Sneak’s crib where he wines and dines us in his backyard with a greasy cookout, some traditional dog fighting and a bonus take down of some house pussies on Twitter using the big screen. PG 18.
What a cracker of a thread. LOL
Saville Row
Jim Saville re-invents himself as a missionary with his sole aim to save the hundreds of distressed young men on death row in Louisiana. Episode two reveals his ulterior motive.
A Question Of Bangers
Drug-focused electronic music type caper where top spinners from around the globe get stuck into a lod of ket/pills/coke in the various rooms in their houses filmed in a ‘mystery guest’/ question of sport style. We, the pensive audience, get to guess who each one is.
Potential ‘Through The Keyhole’ type spinoff. Or maybe im actually just thinking of this show all along.
YOU DECIDE
Jackmaster’s Taskmaster
Jackmaster hosts a comedy panel game show as he gets a group of DJs to compete at completing a set of hilarious tasks such as molesting as many club attendees as possible while on GHB, and trying to squeeze one out into the most creative household appliance they can come up with (kettle, toaster, microwave, etc.).
Holmes Under The Hammer
After all the gigs dried up in the early 2000’s, Holmes Under The Hammer sees former DJ ‘David Holmes’ touring round all the derelict night clubs up and down the UK (due to COVID) that are going to auction, telling anecdotes about getting loaded with Bobby Gillespie “back in the day” and doing lines off a vinyl copy of Jeff Mills ‘Bells’ with Sven Vath in “that very DJ booth”.
After the auction is concluded, he talks to the buyer about how the club scene isn’t what it used to be like in the early 90s, and that they should turn it into office blocks as there’s no money in clubbing anymore; “Film scores are where it’s at these days! Just ask Paul Oakenfold…”
Monkey Tennis
Paul Oakenfold and Ricardo Villalobos play tennis.
ScottBailey lol, I actually remember buying his Swordfish soundtrack. Played it once. Joke on me
Cunt
James Holden finally disappears up his own arsehole, creating an enormous vacuum of cuntage to be filled by Zabiela and Dixon
Grant Cook Wont Cook
Show where Grant competes against Dj’s he dislikes where contestants compete with Grant to eat kitchen utensils such as alluminium colanders.
Bullet In The Gun House
Pat Sharp brings back the old format, but this time contestants have to guess the “Prog’ Classic” from a 5 second soundbyte. Correct answer gets the chance to chase Paul Oakenfold round ‘The House’ with .45, to the soundtrack of Bullet In The Gun. Meanwhile the twins are also brought back to les’ off in the background.
Age of Love Island, with Charlotte de Witte
Exactly the same as the original, but slightly worse.
