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Just putting this here as well Nas, it all helps chief -

NasserAlazzawi

It is a tricky one because you have to reorganise your lives in a way that is difficult to conceptualise before you have kids and that is difficult to get to grips with when the reality hits. The ‘assumption’ is that you need to just put your head down and get on with it ad nauseum, but in reality that’s not a long-term plan. One of the problems that can crop up is the division of labour (or at least it did for me). To some extent, the cards are stacked against you because there are things that only the woman can do e.g. breastfeeding and the likelihood is that they will, as a matter of course, just take more of the burden. The problem is that can lead to resentment even if not expressed directly.

This is easy for me to say now as I did a pretty shit job of it at the time but looking back on it, that is also the key to redress the balance so you can still do Nas stuff and not feel shite about it.

I think it is important to have Dad jobs that only you do, whether that is washing the bottles, doing housework or maybe the late evening feed (if she is expressing or you have introduced formula). That allows you to have decent things you can point to that are ‘proof’ that you are doing your bit. The second thing that can help (again, I’m far from a shining example of this) but if you can schedule time off for her so she gets a reasonable break (within the obvious limits of doing that between sleeps etc) it also allows you to schedule time away for you and gives you permission to do it without the guilt.
Definitely not an easy one and have made it sound easier than it is but if you can point to reliable examples of ‘that is what I do’ and this is when/how you get your ‘time off’ it just makes it much easier for you to balance your interests.

That is tough if you don’t have the family support network around you in Cyprus, which I guess places more emphasis on you both finding your own way. The option to spend time on music or other interests for me is essential and take those elements away and your life is out of balance and that is where low mood/depression can develop. Recommend doing exercise as your priority as that will get the endorphines going and give you a bit of levity from the sluggishness that can develop as you shuffle around the house all day.

The thing that isn’t helpful in this type of situation, work stuff, home issues is the subtext that you just have to crack on. People have an ability to absorb a lot but realistically you can’t be a robot.

    NasserAlazzawi …it’s tough mate, as has been said, when the elation subsides (I read it as ‘erection’ and thought, I can’t remember that being an issue), reality kicks-in and unlike your missus, whose role is pretty much physically defined, nobody tells you what you should be doing. Lots of guilt and confusion, compounded by a lack of sleep. Paternity leave was a nightmare for me in that respect, my missus couldn’t wait for me to get back to work.

    I managed ok after my first came along, but the first 6-months of having 2 just felt relentless and I found myself thinking ‘WTF have I done!?’. Then once a sleep routine of sorts finally kicked-in, things started to come back into focus… Number 3 was pretty much an afterthought tbh. Kids are remarkably adaptable, pretty much fended for herself 😆

        I don’t have kids, I have cats. It’s not for everyone, but I know which one I prefer. I’m also sure the universe is not lacking mini Hannus.

          Dubman how fucking old are you for that not be an option anymore? Mick Jagger had another one in his seventies.

          Or have you got a vasectomy?

            Unbroken1

            Then once a sleep routine of sorts finally kicked-in, things started to come back into focus

            That is often the turning point. Reminded me as well that most parents understandably want to do breastfeeding for as long as possible (obviously not as long as Mama Smalls still does with Ed) but a major factor that helps is getting onto formula because it is so much more filling and promotes more sleep as they are properly stuffed after formula. Think our first kid went onto formula by week 10-12 and things turned around over night with sleeping.

            @NasserAlazzawi

                whatever a major factor that helps is getting onto formula because it is so much more filling and promotes more sleep as they are properly stuffed after formula

                …this. Nappies ain’t quite so sweet after this point though.

                    Unbroken1

                    True. Remember breastmilk nappies smelling like Sarson’s Vinegar, and formula like a really dodgy korma (and loads of it).

                      Fuck Saudi Arabia.
                      Fuck that slag Staverly.
                      Fuck sportswashing.
                      Fuck the 96% who voted for the take over.
                      Fuck Newcastle United.

                        Fuck Gen Z and having to deal with their soft af, no-mark, entitled behaviour in a professional environment

                        Besides that, I’m good.

                        Lovely advice about dadhood from @whatever and @Unbroken1. Felt it and absolutely right. Wish someone told me the same 6 months back.

                        The missus and I decided to take care of our mini me without a nanny (yes the cook and cleaning lady made a massive difference for our peace of mind) for the first five months. And it soon dawned on me that I was useless when the missus decided she wanted to go all in on breast feeding, no bottle no formula. I’d spend about an hour or two of quality time a day, sometimes putting her to sleep. But not much else. A close friend gave us good advice, said you just need to come to terms with the fact the mother will be doing all the heavy lifting before you start solids. And once she’s moving and eating like a normal human, that’s when the father has to step up. There was some resentment in the early days, but I essentially made myself a butler for my wife, everything from cleaning up after her and the baby, changing diapers as much as possible, and making sure she was always eating and drinking. least I could do really. We’re also very lucky to have a hands-on mother in law who was always there for us when we needed a breather.

                        6th month, we’ve hired a live-in nanny, since maternity leave has ended. Game changer. Obviously not exactly affordable in the west, but if you can make it happen, just do it.

                        Anyone had any experience with “cry it out”? I had a Nri yank friend stay with us for a couple of weeks with his 1.5 year old son. What a mindfuck it was to hear the kid cry himself to sleep every other night. Don’t think we’ll ever go that route, but in terms of living on a schedule it worked for them. 7-8 he’d be crying, but like clockwork would be out from 8-7.