Homegrove I give these cunts no quarter now, living in a country like this where people are totally shut off from and ignorant about the rest of the world will do that to you.

My other favourite local interaction of recent years was when I was stood in the supermarket queue with a basket, and I only had Pringles, a Snickers and some sparkling mineral water, and the two brillo-haired aunties behind me in the queue started gossiping, one saying to the other “That’s all foreigners have to eat for lunch.”

I turned around and peered in her basket, which only had various detergents in it and said “Yeah, but that’s what you eat for lunch.” They were utterly dumbfounded by the surrealism of the suggestion and I went on my way, happy with myself for hours.

      lol.

      Garbage insight from Dermo.

      The East use water.
      The West use a mother load of toilet paper that they smear all over their bunghole and gooch.

      Do the math.

        Cankles-McJeggings Never forget being on a train in India and needing a shit with really bad Delhi belly.

        If similar to my experiences of travelling around India by train, I assume it was a shit encrusted Western style toilet, through which the train tracks were clearly visible?

            rhouses It doesn’t count if you have one of your many man servants on hand to go in with a pressure washer and a chisel every time you lay down once of your behemoth cables.

            Shut up, Rhouses.

            • C_J replied to this.

                rhouses Smear is a term which doesn’t quite fit with arse wiping, you can smear cream, but not paper.

                I think the reason we use paper is to ensure ones hand doesn’t get covered in shite and it does quite a good job of removing any excess without leaving a trace.

                  Cankles-McJeggings remember crashing at the Park Hyatt in Tokyo after a marathon flight in and sitting on a toilet just like that in the night. Scared me stiff the noises it made. Like having a shit on R2D2

                    There are a few things about Western bathroom habits that are unsavoury. One is the habit of some older generation Brits to have carpet in their bathrooms 🤮 or those bits of carpet that fit around the bottom of the bog, perfectly placed to catch any stray piss 🤮

                    Another is, as Rhouses correctly points out, smearing shite all over your arsehole with toilet paper. However, I won’t be lectured to on this by an Indian, of all people 😆 Unfortunately, needs must if you’re not in your own home and need a shite. Although personally, after laying a massive cable, I prefer to use a wet wipe or two. Or ‘winning’ as I like to call it.

                      I somehow have an image of Dave trying to wipe his arse with a wet wipe after a quarter bottle of merlot, falling and smearing shite all over the wall and floor resulting in the building having to be burned down.

                        seanc80 Just think of me as a lightweight Bobby Sands with shite all over my lavender-coloured Filas.

                          vinnyt77 , I assume it was a shit encrusted Western style

                          Even talking about it makes me feel sick. It was a kind of western bog like thing at the wrong height with zero water. There was as you say shit absolutely everywhere.
                          The worst one was a stainless steel type thing with two kind of raised bits in the shape of feet to stand on. Problem was there was shit and piss over virtually the entire floor of the cubicle.
                          How rhouses has got the temerity to comment anything other than embarrassment in this thread is unbelievable.

                              Cankles-McJeggings Yup, that’s the one. I was very lucky - didn’t have a stomach upset on any of the very long train journeys I took. Went for a piss in a station toilet similar to the second one you describe. Awash with faeces.

                                While I won’t speak for public toilets (as I’ve never entered one in India my entire lifetime and I wouldn’t recommend any of you do as well) or trains (public transport in general), I can 100% guarantee that you will find this in use in every single middle class toilet or hotel that you enter in India.

                                I’m yet to see one of these in ANY country I’ve visited or lived in in the West. My strategy is to stretch to the sink with a wad of toilet paper and douse it with water for the first couple of wipes.

                                  I literally have one each bathroom of the apt, Rhouses. They’ve always been a thing here.

                                  How hard is it to not get faeces all over the place in a toilet? absolute animals these people.

                                    bosstrabs Although personally, after laying a massive cable, I prefer to use a wet wipe or two.

                                    I wrote an Amazon review a couple of years ago on this subject:

                                    I recall, with some fondness, a conversation I had with a dear friend perhaps 12-18 months ago, when he expounded upon the perils of a smeary wipe of the bumhole before a massage session, as his masseur was inclined to dip in and out of the arse cleft with gay abandon.

                                    I recall this now, because I have had a dodgy stomach for much of the past week, and have found these wipes (They were the Andrex Skin Kind Flushable Toilet Wipes) to be an absolute revelation.

                                    When you simply must have a bling ring, there’s nothing that comes close. My recommendation is to dive in with a paper based strategy in the first instance. After a couple of wipes, you’ll know whether you need to haul out the big guns or not. And when you do - the sensation is simply sublime. My Sheriff’s badge SHINES BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.

                                    They’re multi-purpose too. Make yourself a stinking hot curry. I mean STINKING hot. Rest your weary head abed. When, the following day, you inevitably encounter the fiery ring, get one of these up against your crack. The sensuous soothing of your piece simply must be experienced to be believed.

                                    NB - it MUST be the skin kind variant. The others will do a job (so to speak) but aren’t in the same league. They’re not even playing the same sport.