I somehow have an image of Dave trying to wipe his arse with a wet wipe after a quarter bottle of merlot, falling and smearing shite all over the wall and floor resulting in the building having to be burned down.

    seanc80 Just think of me as a lightweight Bobby Sands with shite all over my lavender-coloured Filas.

      vinnyt77 , I assume it was a shit encrusted Western style

      Even talking about it makes me feel sick. It was a kind of western bog like thing at the wrong height with zero water. There was as you say shit absolutely everywhere.
      The worst one was a stainless steel type thing with two kind of raised bits in the shape of feet to stand on. Problem was there was shit and piss over virtually the entire floor of the cubicle.
      How rhouses has got the temerity to comment anything other than embarrassment in this thread is unbelievable.

          Cankles-McJeggings Yup, that’s the one. I was very lucky - didn’t have a stomach upset on any of the very long train journeys I took. Went for a piss in a station toilet similar to the second one you describe. Awash with faeces.

            While I won’t speak for public toilets (as I’ve never entered one in India my entire lifetime and I wouldn’t recommend any of you do as well) or trains (public transport in general), I can 100% guarantee that you will find this in use in every single middle class toilet or hotel that you enter in India.

            I’m yet to see one of these in ANY country I’ve visited or lived in in the West. My strategy is to stretch to the sink with a wad of toilet paper and douse it with water for the first couple of wipes.

              I literally have one each bathroom of the apt, Rhouses. They’ve always been a thing here.

              How hard is it to not get faeces all over the place in a toilet? absolute animals these people.

                bosstrabs Although personally, after laying a massive cable, I prefer to use a wet wipe or two.

                I wrote an Amazon review a couple of years ago on this subject:

                I recall, with some fondness, a conversation I had with a dear friend perhaps 12-18 months ago, when he expounded upon the perils of a smeary wipe of the bumhole before a massage session, as his masseur was inclined to dip in and out of the arse cleft with gay abandon.

                I recall this now, because I have had a dodgy stomach for much of the past week, and have found these wipes (They were the Andrex Skin Kind Flushable Toilet Wipes) to be an absolute revelation.

                When you simply must have a bling ring, there’s nothing that comes close. My recommendation is to dive in with a paper based strategy in the first instance. After a couple of wipes, you’ll know whether you need to haul out the big guns or not. And when you do - the sensation is simply sublime. My Sheriff’s badge SHINES BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.

                They’re multi-purpose too. Make yourself a stinking hot curry. I mean STINKING hot. Rest your weary head abed. When, the following day, you inevitably encounter the fiery ring, get one of these up against your crack. The sensuous soothing of your piece simply must be experienced to be believed.

                NB - it MUST be the skin kind variant. The others will do a job (so to speak) but aren’t in the same league. They’re not even playing the same sport.

                  LT42 Are you living in the Asian side of Istanbul, LT? haha Can’t remember whether there was a bum gun when I visited Turkey.

                  But I tend to time dropping one of my legendary cables in Europe or America, right before showers as a result.

                  • LT42 replied to this.

                      Rhouses, how are you even allowed in to Europe or America?

                      I assume you mean places like Bulgaria and Mexico?

                      Without a doubt, Japan is the GOAT of arsehole hygiene. That’s something Dermo got right in his initial post at least. Fondly recall spending a solid 40+ mins in a toilet in Narita during a layover, thoroughly enjoying the heated seat and the piss perfect spray in various pressures and temperatures right up my hole for clearance and cleanliness. Think the flush was automated as well, which was a win for all travelers.

                      Rhouses, I’m starting a petition to the Indian Parliament to never let you out of the country again.

                      rhouses Are you living in the Asian side of Istanbul, LT?

                      I am indeed, the leafy streets of Kozyatağı.

                          LT42 haha called it.

                          One thing is certain lads, I would never even think about doing ATM with an European or Yank. Dave all over that though, the filthy animal.

                              This thread has been a welcome return to normality. - A mixture of serious advice, war stories and fiction, all centred around shitting and arse-wiping across the 7 continents.

                              Well done everyone…

                              rhouses One thing is certain lads, I would never even think about doing ATM with an European or Yank. Dave all over that though, the filthy animal.

                              Absolutely incorrect. Not interested in going near arses generally, even on fit birds. I like the look of an arse, but not into giving rimjobs or throwing one up there.

                              I am quite open about questionable / arguably “disgusting” partialisms, and in my case, that’s burds’ feet.