The cheese would spoil my chocolate box good looks.

Chiselled and chocolate box, makes the Dorises go weak at the knees.

I’ll tell you what would be great. If Dave Benson-Phillips (my tracksuit icon) set up a game called ‘Chocolate or Cheese?’ with Smallman strapped into a chair above the customary gunk tank.

Smallman is given ten questions on fluid dynamics, theoretical physics and neo-endogenous economic growth theory. Whenever he gets a question right, he gets a tub of chocolate dumped over his ‘chocolate box good looks’ while Jaded Clubbers regulars jeer disappointedly. Whenever he gets a question wrong, he gets varieties of molten liquid cheese bunged over his head at blistering temperatures.

    <Smallman> “I’d actually die”

    bosstrabs Smallman is given ten questions on fluid dynamics, theoretical physics and neo-endogenous economic growth theory

    My specialist subjects.

    Chocolate for the chocolate box good looks it is.

    Absolutely winning as always.

        Smallman1 My specialist subjects.

        Damn.

        15 questions then, including ‘The History of the Byzantine Empire’ and ‘The complete works of Charles Dickens’ too then.

          Would benson phillips have the nasty streak required to melt part of ed’s face with molten cheese though? Need to make sure there are no weak links if you are going to get this show on the air!

          Good point Si, although having been off air for years I’d imagine he’d be all over a decent paid gig.

          Jules72 they’re the ones who send 🥰 emojis to the likes of Donald Silverbridge so he’ll sign up and pay a tenner a month to read his messages on Boredhousewives.com

            She should be a little more specific. And maybe smile a bit.

            Jules72 With an opener like that, I would bet good money her inbox is full of knob shots with the caption “I bet you’d love to eat this”

                Jules72 I speak from experience. 😂 You see enough dick pics on dating sites WITHOUT that sort of invitation 😂

                  9 days later

                  You have 3 questions to answer to let swiping blokes know more about you…. and what do you do? You tell them you love coriander… fucking hell

                  I’d take that as a condiment Jules.

                  Oi oi!