I’m here all week!
The top top jokes thread.
Is this definifely the top top jokes thread?
Yes Liqui!
It has been 33 years, and no further instructions from Technotronic. And so I think, with regret, it’s time to deflate the jam
a month later
I’ve just got back from the supermarket where some bloke threw a block of cheese at me followed by a pint of milk.
I thought how dairy.
Take my wife!
Smallman1 Excellent
a month later
When one door closes, another one opens.
Other than that, it’s a pretty good car.
2 months later
I’ve begun investing heavily in beef, chicken and vegetable stocks.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
You’ll always be a cabbage to me, Granto
For my 17th birthday, my parents surprised me with a car! They missed.
My wife says she’s leaving me as she thinks I’m obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?
What do you call a Norwegian call girl?
A fjord escort.
Wait… I just realised… OLB is in the house?!
You knowz it Dave!
a month later
Two dyslexics in a kitchen, one say’s “Can you smell gas?”
The other replies “Doubt it mate. I can barely smell my own name!”
A woman is cheated on by her husband.
She’s devastated. She hears that there’s a wise monk who lives up in a mountain. She decides to consult him.
After a few days of travelling, she meets the wise monk. “I spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to taking care of him. And now he has left me for another woman. I don’t know what to do”.
The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it. After she finishes eating, he asks: "Was the cookie delicious?“Yes”- she answers. “Do you want another one?” “Sure”.
The monk looks her in the eye and says “Do you see the problem now?”
The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speaks. “I guess human nature is greedy. You get one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It’s never enough. And nothing lasts forever. Everything is finite. We should be aware of this and not be disappointed ”.
The monk shakes his head. "No, I mean stop eating biscuits you fat cunt