I was going to say there’s another better thread for jokes, then I read that shit show and fair dos. Keep it here .

    3 months later

    Having just been knighted, more bad news has bestowed Lewis Hamilton as he’s found out his application to join Musical Youth has been rejected on the grounds that he couldn’t “pass the Dutchie on the left hand side”

    Made me laugh. Tough crowd! I’ll see myself out…

      ScottBailey Don’t mind them, Scott. They don’t know comic genius when they hear it. I’ll have the family ROTFLing telling them that one at Christmas. upvoted

        Cracker, Scott. Ignore these javelins

        Unbelievable joke, Scott. Breathtaking, even. Don’t let these Palestine’s get you down.

        …first day as a delivery driver for Mt Kipling I had to do an emergency stop.

        Fortunately the lorry had exceedingly good brakes.

          Gonorrhea would have been a great name for a diarrhea medicine.

          We actually have a Christmas jumper day today in work. We are up to all kinds of high jinks.

            Unbroken1 …first day as a delivery driver for Mt Kipling I had to do an emergency stop.

            Fortunately the lorry had exceedingly good brakes.

            A gen lol for Damo!

              Had a terrible nightmare last night that I was trapped inside a snow globe.

              All is good now though, just a feel a bit shaken up.

              Take my wife.

                A b-flat, an e-flat and a g-flat walk into a bar.

                The bartender says sorry we don’t serve minors.

                Try the fish!

                  Smallman1 A b-flat, an e-flat and a g-flat walk into a bar.

                  The bartender says sorry we don’t serve minors.

                  YOU FUCKING CUNT

                      Someone call 999 there’s an OLB on fire!

                      4 cunts walk into a bar
                      Smallman is the 4 of them.

                      Made me laugh!

                      a month later

                      A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: Mind if I say a word?" She says: “Please do.”

                      The man clears his throat and says: “Bargain.”

                      The widow replies: “Thanks that means a great deal.”

                      • C_J replied to this.

                        Is this definifely the top top jokes thread?

                        Smallman1 Ed, have the Govt forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
                        You might be entitled to condensation.

                          It has been 33 years, and no further instructions from Technotronic. And so I think, with regret, it’s time to deflate the jam

                          • C_J replied to this.
                            a month later

                            I’ve just got back from the supermarket where some bloke threw a block of cheese at me followed by a pint of milk.

                            I thought how dairy.

                              a month later

                              When one door closes, another one opens.

                              Other than that, it’s a pretty good car.

                              2 months later

                              I’ve begun investing heavily in beef, chicken and vegetable stocks.

                              One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.